Looking at the balloons it seems this place opened yesterday i.e. 30 Jan. I walk in assuming it won't be so in-demand so soon. What a surprise - a 20 min waiting period, which actually makes me expect good food when my time comes....
I'm escorted to a 2's-table by a pleasant lady and offered a seat with breadcrumbs on it. Never mind, I take the other one. She hands me the menu, after a quick while someone comes and asks me what kind of water I would like. Regular, I say. Which never comes, never. No water, entire meal.
Being alone, I have the luxury of people-watching. They don't play music (I like that fact), so I can people-hear too. On the table very close to me, a well-mannered lady is furious because, so it seems, her chicken is ill-made and everyone on that table is not served together. On the table opposite mine, there's a family where the guy is refusing to pay the "service charge" because there's "no service" - I like this guy because he stands by his logic which is very sound. They adjust the bill for him, somehow.
Turning back to the lady who was served ill-made chicken. The manager (so it seems) comes, apologies profoundly, and offers something. He says it's on the house. He serves a couple of things, on the house. But while he does so, he says "on the house" five times. That's kind of sick.
After fifteen minutes and no water, someone comes to take the order. I ask him if he can make a Tutti Carne with thin crust, he says he'll check with the chef - I tell him if the chef says fine, consider that an order. Half waterless hour passes by. He comes back with an apology. He says "because of some technical problem, your order is getting delayed, sorry for that. Can I get you something to drink?" It's complimentary, he adds. It better be. He still hasn't noticed there's no water. I say I need nothing, he offers ice tea. Ice tea is not a bad idea.
Ice tea is swift. It's probably on the tap - I mean with all that froth. Now the "technical problem" part. I've never heard that one in a restaurant. Well, I guess ovens can get quite technical. I pray for the pizza. Imagine your pizza stuck in the middle of a oven that's lost ... steam, so to speak. But imagine this : my food is delayed, I have ordered no drink - what would you offer? Food or drink?
Anyway, they serve a basket of bread and red pesto. Average bread, average pesto, hungry man, bread goes down anyway.
Eventually the Pizza arrives. The way it's made, bacon on it is cold. I take an optimistic bite. Salty, very salty. By this time the only thing I know is how the review is going to look like. I try reducing the bacon on a slice or two. I try pouring olive oil on it. Anything that can help me push down enough slices of the ocean pizza to keep me going until the morning. Someone asks feedback. I say it's salty. He says he'll tell the chef about it. I say the chef should taste it. That's where it ends. I ask and wait for the bill.
Later he offers the lady on next table free deserts, and, apparently, after so much of wait for food, the family is simply terrified at the idea of waiting for more. They decline wholeheartedly. I add fuel to fire, but that's just my evil side. They did it to me - I was innocent when I went in.
The guy who refused to pay service charges asks for a feedback form. Now when someone asks for a feedback form, you know something is seriously wrong. In far northwest corner from me, another guy in red screams at the waiter. Long wait can do that to you. The whole place seems engaged in revolt against the atrocious restaurant regime (apparently Italian). I'm sure this is how it begins in great history books.
I see the bill - 600+. Believe it or not they have the space for Tip that says "Tip".
They want Tip, here's one: Get some socks, then pull them up.
kalidas
