Apr 08, 2008

Fire Bowl

Shop No. 17, Link Plaza, New Link Road, Oshiwara, MHADA, Mumbai

Rated: Poor

The Law of the Excluded Middle

One of the problems in logic that always fascinates me is called the Liar's Paradox, which in its simplest form comprises a set of two paradoxical sentences that go as follows, "The next statement is false. The preceding statement is true." The problem consists of assigning these sentences a consistent truth value.

Now, I know this is a review on food for the stomach and not food for thought but please bear with me.

Last Sunday, we went to this recently opened restaurant called Fire Bowl in Oshiwara. Cozy place, pleasant decor, over friendly welcome, in-your-face airconditioning, so far so good.

We ordered soup (Fire Bowl Special Soup and Clear Vegetable Wonton Soup) for four together with starters (Spinach and Potato as well as Steamed Vegetable Wontons). I, being my own self, asked for the starters to be served with the soup and was rewarded with the usual half of the "Baa Baa Black Sheep" reply i.e. "Yes Sir, Yes Sir."

The soup came without the starters which was ok since it was actually quite good and I realised eating an appetiser with it would have spoilt the taste. The starters came a short while later and we had three separate views, (1) the potatos of "Spinach and Potato" fame, were not cooked fully, (2) there was hardly any spinach - I mean if Popeye had entered into a fisticuff with Bluto over Olive Oyl after eating whatever spinach was served to us, he would have lost in spades, and (c) the steamed wontons came with their own peculiar "garnish", a reddish-yellow paste that threatened to obsure the rest of the appetiser.

We only pointed out to the head waiter that the potatoes were uncooked. He listened to us patiently, or so we thought, and then went into the kitchen and returned with a sample of "Potato Well Done", not Rare or Medium but Well Done. He told us that the potatoes earlier served to us were from the same batch as Potato Well Done.

Coming back to my opening remarks on the Liar's Paradox, it is usually accompanied by the counter example called the Law of the Excluded Middle. This law simply rejects the notion of a third possibility, even one that could have arisen accidently, and attempts to eliminate any middle ground.

Now in the Curious Case of the Deep Fried Potato, the excluded middle was the possibility that in that entire batch of deeply battered and fried-to-death potatos, there could have. . .just could have. . .been a few unfortunate and tasteless raw survivors that landed in our plate - which possibility our Head Waiter friend Rao refused to admit to.

Now WHY DID HE BEHAVE LIKE THAT? Was it because he was simply embarassed that this unfortunate event happened? Was it because he had something going with the cook and felt duty-bound to defend some indefensible culinary preparation? Was it because he felt offended that Fire Bowl's claim to Zagat fame were being crushed within a few weeks of their grand opening? I am no Earl Stanley Gardner and I have no interest in unravelling the miniscule sub plot of this already short-lived dinner saga. I was essentially hungry and put off by attitude.

What it did was cost Fire Bowl a set of patrons that evening and we trudged off to Yoko Sizzlers next door for a better meal (no, I am too tired typing with two fingers to write a review on that one!!!) Will I go to Fire Bowl again - probably yes. The soups were very good and I must add, judging by the queue we saw when walking back from Yoko's, Fire Bowl must have been doing something right it seems.

Also, I find that good table service in Mumbai is quite rare so the two unambiguous choices between me are to swallow my pride and therefore swallow a good meal or do neither and therefore keep hunting for good places to eat - No Liar's Paradoxes here.

The three stages of my Sunday evening grief comprising shock (at eating a raw potato), anger (at the waiter's argumentative badgering) and reconciliation (to going back there again) are currently quite shortlived.

Summarily, go to Fire Bowl if you want to experiment first-time-first-hand or wait till some other unsuspecting soul like me eats there and gives you a greener signal.

Overall rating - Food (Soup): 3/5, Ambience: 3/5, Prices: 2-3/5, Service - 0/5

Cheers
S

Apr 08, 2008

China House

Grand Hyatt Mumbai, Off Western Express Highway, Santacruz (E), Mumbai

Rated: Poor

Good Food, Bad Service

I was entertaining some business associates last evening at the Hyatt Lounge and then carried on to China House. The Hyatt is a regular of mine as I usually go to Som or the bar quite often for a post work drink with associates. China House was a first time experience.

First impressions - tasteful decor and quite a serene outdoors marred by a bright interior. The cubicles are quite private and give you the opportunity to have a conversation without a 100 prying ears surrounding you.

Secondly, food is good albeit highly expensive. We had one round of starters (lotus root fritters and crab meat soup dumplings), followed by claypot vegetables and sichuan chicken for mains accompanied by fried rice and noodles. The bill was nearly Rs. 8,000. I am not complaining as I guess you are sort of paying for the "tao" experience, haha!!

Thirdly, to say the service is "slighly" snooty is an understatement. Here's why - I CANNOT understand EVEN if you are an accomplished restaurateur with some knowledge of food giving me lip, after all I am a customer willing to pay your fancy price. What upsets me more is some trainee waiter acting like he owns a michelin star place and is doing me a favour by waiting at my table - I mean, if he had tilted his head a little further upwards, I could have seen his brains right through his nostrils - as the Queen of Hearts would say, "Off with his head", ok off with one point!!!

I am lopping off 1 point for clumsy service (including aiming to pour water on the tables, not the glasses and spilling the claypot vegetables/mushrooms on the table and denying me the pleasure of eating them). I expect table service at an upscale restaurant to be impeccable.

The host's attitude counts for a lot during a meal. So, overall, I would think twice before going there again.

Cheers
S

Mar 09, 2008

Banana Leaf

Subhan Chs, Near Four Bungalows Market, Versova, Andheri (W), Mumbai

Rated: Awful

A Weak Apology for South Indian Tiffin

As a child, I rememebr being instructed by my parents to eat what is served without complaining about the flavour, seasoning, etc - given the several under privileged who go without even one square meal a day - a habit that is ingrained in me for the most part. Tonight, I will gladly make the first exception.

Having read the reviews of The Banana Leaf, my wife and I and a friend decided to go there for dinner tonight. The place itself looks like any other midscale restaurant although I felt that a better job could have been done by the maitre'd taking our place orders, although he did inform us that it would be 40-odd minutes before we would get a table. I also thought a better job could have been done managing the several people who were there waiting for tables.

Once inside, we ordered two chettinad spicy masala dosai, an iyer dosai and I also asked for a milagu (pepper) rasam.

Lest I forget, they botched the order at the start and got us a plain masala dosai instead of the spicy chettinad dosai we had ordered and were a bit reluctant to take it back.

Firstly, I thought the milagu rasam would be something exotic for the Rs. 110 being charged - big mistake, this was basically a triple/quadruple dose of tamarind in boiling water, with a few tomato slices and some peppercorns for garnish. Absolutely overdone and you could almost dissect the separate taste of the elements - pepper, salt, tomato and water - awful tripe served as rasam.

Secondly, the chettinad masala dosai - I actually pity Valli Aachi (that's what you'd call an elderly Chettinad lady), she would have turned in her grave had she tasted the monstrosity that was served to us - no taste of any of the famous Chettinad seasoning that I have eaten in several hotels all across Tamizl Nadu, especially in Chettinad.

Thirdly, a dosai is meant to be served whole, not chopped into bits like one of those by-the-Vile Parle station road sandwiches, cut into halves and quarters!!! We specifically asked for whole dosais and to compound their error on serving us a "cutted" dosai, they told us that this was to accomodate "Gujarati customers who wished to share the food" (his words, not mine). I repeat, we asked for whole dosais.

Also, please do not clear the sambhar and chutney cups when one is eating - I absolutely detest a waiter hovering around my table, waiting to throw me out before I have eaten my fill - it pisses me off and makes me feel unwelcome.

A glance at the menu also told me that while the dosai/idli and their various permutations/combinations go for standard prices, the other items like appam/stew, chettinad biryani, etc were about 20-25% costlier than what I would expect of similar fare in other south indian style restaurants.

Lastly, my wife and friend also spotted a rat meandering between some chairs and tables. When we brought this to the notice of the waiter, I think he treated it as if we just told him we sighted a UFO - jocularly and staring at us as if we were mad.

Summarily, nothing positive to say at all and if you count the noisy crowd who were talking at the top of their voices, a totally unpleasant dining experience - after all dinner is something to be had in peace.

I would not recommend this restaurant for dinner or for that matter ever.

Cheers
S

PS: First review on burrp, let's hope I find some place better to write about next time.

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